Making Amends: Repair the Damage from Addiction
In the simplest terms, “amends” are defined as “compensation for loss or injury.” This means that you’re being asked to compensate the people you’ve hurt as a result of your addiction. If you’re participating in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or a similar 12-Step program, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ you’ve probably heard that making amends is an important part of your recovery journey. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”; the 9th step of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Making Amends: How to Repair the Damage Caused by Active Addiction
A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery. Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.
- We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try).
- Just because you apologize does not mean they will forgive you and being properly prepared for this is a necessity.
- Specifically, steps 8 and 9 deal directly with the amends process of acknowledging those you have hurt, harmed, or wronged as a result of your substance use disorder.
- Unlike direct and indirect amends, living amends are not aimed at repairing ties with anyone specifically.
Committing to Family Therapy
Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. The amends process either directly or indirectly, it reinforces positive behaviors, your willingness to take ownership of your actions, and any resulting consequences. Should others be unreceptive or outcomes aren’t as planned, don’t blame yourself.
I’m In Recovery
- Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends.
- We go back to a moment in time and we fixate on the things we wish we had done differently.
- There are several different ways you can offer amends to someone you hurt.
It helps us learn from the experience and grow – in our relationship with ourselves and our capacity to love others. When we harm others, we harm ourselves in the process, and rationalizing or defending only makes us feel worse. It causes us to feel a more profound shame as it pulls us from our humanity and connection — accountability and making amends help us heal the other, what is a living amends which allows us to forgive ourselves. It may feel counterintuitive because of all we’ve been taught about «making a mistake» and all of the shame we carry. Still, ultimately, our accountability, empathy, and making things right helps us grow, learn and heal. This makes it very difficult to tolerate the idea that our choices might make someone we care about upset.
